With ADHD, solving problems can require custom solutions 

Have you ever wanted something to be different, but you weren’t sure what that  looked like? This quandary can lead adults with ADHD to put up with less-than-ideal situations for far too long, simply because they can’t see the solution. Sometimes, we all need a little help and encouragement to pursue a solution that is right for us. Let me tell you about my coffee closet conundrum.

I had coffee in a closet that was truthfully a disaster. I would open the door, say “That’s too bad,” and close it again. The coffee closet got messy because I didn’t like taking the time to roll and fasten the top of those one-pound bags, and coffee grounds would sprinkle on the bottom of the closet.

A neuro-typical member of the family suggested that I put the coffee in some of those functional plastic containers for storage. Nice idea, but they were just too boring, not to mention ugly. (OK, admittedly, that might have been better than having the loose bags with the designer coffee spilling out, but really?)

I remember asking an organizer that I had hired if she knew about any containers that weren’t of that cloudy plastic variety. The organizer acted surprised and said that no one had ever asked her that question before. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, as a highly visual and creative person, I was looking for something both beautiful and functional…and in that order! 

The answer came at Christmas that year. My kids got me a beautiful set of hand-painted canisters that were just stunning! The matching lids were just as beautiful. They lifted off easily, allowing me to scoop coffee into a waiting pot in one fluid motion. The moral of the story was this: I could have order without sacrificing beauty. Every time I open that closet—which is often—it makes me smile! There was a solution, after all. My solution.

Lessons from the Coffee Closet

Just because you can’t picture the outcome of something doesn’t mean that you don’t know what you want. Many of us have been so busy hanging on for dear life as we navigate life with ADHD that we haven’t had the time or energy to pursue other options. Here are some suggestions for finding out what you truly want.

• Value your unspoken needs. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. One size does not fit all.
• Explore your options. Sometimes we need to see alternatives in order to discover what we really want. What resonates with you? What are the possibilities?
• Be open to new ideas. We know what we know, but we also don’t know what we don’t know.
• Trust your gut. You will know the solution when you find it.
• Look beyond the surface. Just because things look disorganized doesn’t mean that you don’t care. You may have a high level of expectation for yourself, but you’re not able to achieve it yet. If an organizing method resonates with you, you will maintain it.
• Solving problems takes time. If a “simple” task were that easy, you would have done it yesterday! No one is good at everything. There’s a reason why you haven’t yet solved a particular challenge.
• You can do this! You will get over the finish line, but you may do it in a different way than others do.

It’s Your Turn

Identifying a problem is much easier than finding a solution. It’s important to work with a coach or an organizer who “hears your voice,” as opposed to someone who believes that one size fits all. Good solutions are ones that are customized to fit you.

What challenges are you facing today? What would you like to be different? Identify your obstacles and ask yourself: “Who can help?”

Feeling stuck? Enlist the help of an ADHD coach for strength-based support in moving forward with your life.  

It takes courage to leave ADHD behind and start pursuing the ‘real’ you
I recently saw the excellent film, “Harriet,” a true story based on the life of activist and former slave Harriet Tubman. Harriet was a “conductor” on the Underground Railroad, responsible for leading more than 1,000 slaves to freedom during her lifetime.

On the first journey Harriet made, she traveled more than 100 miles on foot, from Maryland to Pennsylvania. This had never been done by one person alone. Sometime thereafter, Harriet decided to return to the South—at great risk—to free members of her family. When told that she couldn’t do it again, she replied, “I made it this far on my own, so don’t you tell me what I can’t do!”

While the bondage of slavery far outweighs any ADHD challenges we might face,  Harriet’s journey offers some valuable lessons. Just as some slaves chose not to follow Harriet to freedom, we may limit what we believe is possible to accomplish.

It took great courage for Harriet to step forward and risk her life—again and again—to give other people a chance to enjoy the same freedom that she had found.

Harriet heard the voice of God all through her life, relying heavily on his guidance.  She was often steered away from danger, and she could be found praying for direction. Even though God gave her a vision, Harriet had to take action in order to achieve it. She would explain, “God tells me what to do, but I use my feet!”

As we enter the new year, what small step could you take to get closer to the life you want to lead? It could be:

• Getting an ADHD diagnosis.
• Trying medication for the first time.
• Seeking educational testing.
• Trying counseling or coaching.
• Educating yourself about ADHD.
• Obtaining school accommodations for your child.
• Working with a tutor.
• Enlisting a friend to be a “clutter buddy.”
• Finding an accountability partner, besides your spouse, to help you follow through on your commitments.

Only you know the next step on your journey. A great brainstorming tool is to imagine what you’d like your life to look like, one year from now. Then ask yourself: What must I do to get there?

Find the support you need to start achieving your dreams. Call for a free consultation with an ADHD coach today. There’s no risk. If you want to take the next step, there’s a way to do it. All it takes is the courage to start.
​
“I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed 1,000 more, if only they knew they were slaves.” – Harriet Tubman    

When was the last time you gave thanks? Don’t let ADHD get in the way of gratitude!

The church where I work as a pianist recently had a reception to honor its church musicians. In addition to thanking us in person, many people wrote notes sharing their appreciation for the music we perform during worship. It warmed my heart to read these cards filled with words of gratitude.  

It made me wonder why we don’t express gratitude more often, especially when it benefits both the giver and the receiver. What gets in the way? For many people, the obstacle can be ADHD.

Adults with ADHD work hard to navigate the challenges of daily life, such as managing paperwork, taking care of families, or completing work-related projects. We often “hang on by a thread,” trying to keep all of the balls in the air! Tasks take so much longer than we thought they would. Overwhelmed and fueled by anxiety, we shut down. There never seem to be enough hours in the day to do what’s necessary, not to mention anything extra!

Even if we desire to show others that we appreciate them, ADHD symptoms can get in the way. We may want to send someone a thank-you card, but we forget to buy the card or run out of stamps or misplace the person’s address. Or we buy a card and never mail it, because we’re not sure of what to say.

Fortunately, there are many ways to express appreciation that don’t require cards or stamps. Author Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The Five Love Languages” that considers how specific love languages can have a positive impact on our partners and those around us. The five languages are acts of service, words of affirmation, giving, physical touch and quality time. Learning your primary love language can help you identify ways to show appreciation for others.

If you enjoy acts of service, you might volunteer to mow someone’s lawn, or bake them something. You will show appreciation by doing. If words of affirmation come easily to you, consider writing someone a note expressing your gratefulness to them. If your language is giving, you might choose just the right gift for someone. Physical touch can be powerful as we share the sign of peace in a worship setting or give someone a hug. If your language is quality time, think about who you might invite to lunch or meet for coffee.

Equally important is the primary language of the person you want to affirm. If you want to reach that person, use his or her primary love language. If the person values acts of service, you will want to do something for them.
Perhaps knowing how gratitude boosts our own well-being would motivate us to pursue it. Did you know that gratitude actually changes our brain chemistry? A simple exercise, such as writing three things that we are thankful for every night, can raise serotonin levels in as little as three weeks.

Studies have shown that people who express gratitude tend to experience more optimism and less anxiety. They also enjoy stronger immune systems, less stress, and an overall increase in energy. This can happen just by THINKING about gratitude. 

In addition, practicing gratitude changes our perspective. As we give to others, we ourselves are lifted up. It helps us remember that this life we lead is not a dress rehearsal. Each day is precious. The present is the present! 

Is there a person who was a mentor or changed the course of your life? Let him or her know! Who are your “people”? Spend time with those who support you and be that support for someone else
.
This holiday season, give the gift of gratitude. Notice the effect on your life, not to mention the lives of others!
Feeling overwhelmed? Get the support you need to overcome daily challenges and start achieving your dreams. Life’s too short to remain stuck. Call for a free consultation with an ADHD coach today.
 
“If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. However, the wisest thing you can do is to be present in the present. Gratefully.” Maya Angelou

Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult to make a decision when you have ADHD?

I can picture a recliner I bought on impulse that we called “The Beast.” It was comfortable, all right, but huge: dominating the living room, towering over all of the other furniture. Once we got it home, I wondered: What was I thinking?

Another time, we were considering having a room built. I wanted no part of it because of the countless decisions that would have to be made!

Decision-making is a cognitive process. It requires you to select a belief or a course of action from among several alternate possibilities. Because ADHD affects the cognitive part of our brains, it can take us longer than others to process an array of choices.

What makes decision-making so hard?
​

• ADHD Challenges: Issues with inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity can make it hard to focus on the task at hand.
• Executive Skill Challenges: Struggling in executive skill areas may cause us trouble in getting started (initiation), breaking down the pieces of a task, putting steps in order (sequencing), estimating time, prioritizing, organizing, or planning.
• Not Knowing How to Make a ‘Good’ Decision: We may feel ashamed to ask for help because we are adults and “should” know how to do this!
• Past Decisions: We may regret a past decision, causing us to hesitate in making a choice today.
• Difficulty in ‘Selecting:’ We have a hard time narrowing our focus to make one choice among various possibilities.
• Shutting Down Under Pressure: Most of us shut down as anxiety mounts. Being “stuck in our amygdala”—the emotional, fight-or-flight part of our brain makes it hard to connect with the logical, prefrontal cortex that is responsible for coordinating our thought processes.
•  Desire for Perfection: Nothing fuels procrastination more than perfectionism.
•  Trying to Please Others: We may know exactly what others think, but we don’t know what we think.

What makes a difference?   
         
Time management coach Elizabeth Grace Saunders states that it is important to set yourself up for success. You can do this by paying attention to three decision-making basics:

• Booking the time to think about the decision.
• Defining the decision by identifying key factors.
• Thinking through the options.

She recommends testing out your decision ahead of time. For example, you might eat at a restaurant whose space you are hoping to rent for a party. Also, Saunders says it helps to pay attention to what you hope will happen, because that gives you valuable information about what you really do want.

What works for people with ADHD?

There are a number of tools that can make it easier for people with ADHD to make good decisions:

• Mind Mapping is an invaluable tool. It helps with brainstorming options, breaking down the steps of a project, estimating time, prioritizing actions, pacing, and so on.
• Listing each Decision in a Column, Side-by-Side. Underneath each choice, list both the pros and cons of the decision.  
• Talking out the Decision with someone else.
• Asking for Help: When we actually do need advice, who is the best person to ask?
• Identifying the Kind of Help that you need.
• Taking Off the Pressure: A “good enough” decision is better than none at all.
• Questioning Yourself: If I say “yes” to this decision, what am I saying “no” to?
• Giving Yourself a Deadline: As time coach Saunders says, “choosing well does not have to mean choosing slowly.”
• Setting a Timer to make smaller decisions.
• Paying Attention to the environment in which you work best while making a decision. Do you need a quiet area, someplace with music, or something else?
• Sidestep too many decisions by making your choice ahead of time.
• Make the Decision: Not making a decision is making a decision.
• Trust Your Gut: Many of us talk ourselves out of our initial response.

You’ve Got This!

I’m pleased to say that I quickly said good-bye to “The Beast.”

After beating myself up about making an impulse buy, I DID return the plus-sized recliner to the store. While there, I actually found a recliner that I liked better. “So, I didn’t get it right the first time,” I told myself. “Big deal!” Most decisions are not final and can be reversed if we change our mind.

As for the remodeling job, we DID add on a room to the house. Once I saw a picture in a magazine, I knew exactly what I wanted. All I needed was to see it.

Even ADHD coaches can have trouble making good decisions. We’re human, after all. And isn’t it nice to know that there’s grace for everyone? There will be new opportunities tomorrow to make new and different choices.
If you’ve ever struggled with making decisions, consider reaching out for support. There’s a lot of help available, and sometimes it can be closer than you think.

Contact me today for a free consultation.
 
  

Has your child with ADHD struggled in school? Have you spent hours doing homework? Have you battled with daily meltdowns? If your smart child hasn’t been successful in the classroom, you may be starting the new school year with a sense of fear and dread. Take heart! There is a valuable school-based support that can make a huge difference for children with ADHD. It is called a Section 504 plan.

What is a 504 Plan?

Section 504 plans are part of a formal program that schools develop to give kids with disabilities the support they need. These plans are intended to prevent discrimination and protect the rights of kids with disabilities in school. They’re covered under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, which is a federal civil rights law.

How does a child qualify for Section 504?

To qualify, a student must have a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one of more major life activities, such as caring for oneself, thinking, concentrating, learning, walking, seeing, breathing, etc. A student must have a specific medical diagnosis to be considered for a Section 504 plan.

Often children with ADHD qualify under IDEAS, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act law. ADHD falls under “Other Health Impairment,” or OHI. Having ADHD alone doesn’t guarantee eligibility. To qualify for Section 504 or an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), the disorder must substantially affect a child’s ability to function in school.

Who can refer a child for evaluation Section 504?

Anyone can refer a child for evaluation under Section 504, including a parent or doctor. However, each school district follows its own 504 policy, and it must have reason to believe that the child is in need of services under Section 504 due to a disability, educational consultant Mary Durheim writes in “A Parent’s Guide to Section 504.” A parent’s request alone doesn’t require a school district to refer or  evaluate a child.

The law also doesn’t require school districts to include parents in the decision-making process. However, it does mandate the school’s 504 Committee to review information from multiple sources. This may include information parents provide about doctors’ reports, outside testing, or coaching recommendations.

How is eligibility determined?

The Section 504 Committee will base its decision on a number of factors, such as grades, state testing scores, school administrative tests, observations, district reports, health records, and school attendance records. No formalized testing is required.

What do accommodations under Section 504 look?

Each student who qualifies for a Section 504 plan will not receive identical accommodations. The school district’s 504 committee will determine what is appropriate for each child, based on the child’s disability and need for support.

Accommodations that benefit students with ADHD might include one or more of the following:

• Extended time for tests and assignments
• A peer note-taker
• An extra set of textbooks for home use
• Preferential seating
• Recorded lectures
• Oral testing
• Testing in a quiet location
• Permission to leave one’s seat and move from time to time
• Having teachers…
  • Sign off on a homework log
  • Provide directions both visually and orally
  • Highlight the most important concepts in class
  • Help break projects into smaller parts
• Allowing the use of…
  • A study carrel
  • A standing desk www.abledesk.com
  • Respectful fidgets  www.funandfunction.com
  • Bouncy bands on chair legs www.bouncybands.com
  • Ear buds that dampen ambient sound www.amazon.com
  • A moving seat, such as Disc ‘O’ Sit, www.amazon.com
  • Voice recognition software, such as Dragon Naturally Speaking www.nuance.com
  • Audio books for required

Simply put, Section 504 levels the playing field for students with ADHD. With the right supports in place, students with ADHD can be among the most successful!

Know a student with ADH who needs academic support? Explore the benefits of taking a strength-based approach with ADHD coaching. You have nothing to lose—the first consultation is always free! If you’d like to learn more, set up an appointment today.
 
Sources:
A Parent’s Guide to Section 504 by Mary Durheim
Does My Child Need to Be Evaluated to Get a 504 Plan? by Barbara Hubert, MSEd

What does freedom mean to you?

Recently, I was reminded that great gains often come with great sacrifice. The reminder came in an Army Times article announcing that Lt. Gen. Darryl A. Williams, a 1983 U.S. Military Academy graduate, had recently became the first African American officer to command West Point in its 216-year history.

The article put Williams’ accomplishment into perspective by sharing some of the challenges faced by Benjamin O. Davis, Jr., the first African American to attend West Point in the 20th century. Davis reportedly ate alone, roomed alone and was shunned by other cadets. After graduating in 1936, Davis went on to command the Tuskegee Airmen during World War II and retired as an Air Force general in 1970.

It took courage for Davis to stand up for himself, just as it takes courage for people with ADHD to tackle the obstacles they face.

Over the years, I have met many parents who have made sacrifices so that their children with ADHD may have a better life. You might be among them. You may spend countless hours of time doing homework with your child, monitoring screen time, managing melt downs, or trying to drag your child out of bed in the morning. Many parents are bringing their kids to therapy or doctor appointments instead of play dates or sporting events. The physical, emotional, and financial costs of managing ADHD are significant.

In the alternative, you may be the adult who has struggled with ADHD symptoms all your life, never feeling quite “normal.” Now that you are on medication, you are starting to look at your life with new eyes. Maybe the people around you aren’t kind or supportive. If you told anyone that you were diagnosed with ADHD, you may have been surprised by their feedback. They might think that you couldn’t have ADHD because you are smart, state that it isn’t real, or say, “doesn’t everybody have ADHD?” 

Even though ADHD is one of the most researched areas in mental health, we have an enormous gap in public education. The truth is that we will have to educate others about ADHD and specifically our ADHD.  We only have had an official adult diagnosis since 2013.  Adults have been called the “forgotten children” of the “ADHD world.”

Every journey starts somewhere and begins with a single step. What brave step can you take today?  As they saying goes, if nothing changes, then nothing changes. How can you educate yourself about ADHD so that you can speak up for yourself or your child? How can you step out of isolation and into community, especially a community where people “get” ADHD? There is risk involved as well as sacrifice. There is a cost to freedom. How can you honor the legacy of those who have gone before? What legacy will you leave behind? What journey will you begin today?

For support in living your best life with ADHD, click here. 

 Are you the woman who is up to all hours of the night, unable to drag yourself out of bed in the morning? You may stumble to the coffee pot, trying to gear up for another day in the world of the scattered. You are pedaling as fast as you can, but things seem to always fall through the cracks, and not for the lack of trying. There is always one more thing to do, and you’re late for everything.
 
Once you get going, you don’t want to stop. Not only do you have a lot to make up for, but you may never get started again. You are paralyzed by your to-do list and get buried under the pile of laundry and mounds of paperwork. With each passing day, your fuse gets shorter and you fall more behind. You forget to send that birthday card in time and the thought of having company strikes fear into your soul. You dread after-school time as you try to dredge up the energy to work with kids on homework. Suddenly, it is 6 p.m.! Your spouse walks in the door and wonders what’s for dinner. By the time the kids are in bed, you are wiped out. Nonetheless, you stay up to get things done while it’s quiet. You struggle with getting yourself to go to bed, and then you are lucky if you can shut your mind off to fall asleep. Suddenly it’s morning. You hit the snooze button repeatedly, crack open your eyes, and it starts all over again!
 
Welcome to the world of women with ADHD! 
 
Issues Unique to Women
Women face a number of unique issues when it comes to ADHD. Chief among them is that that they are likely to struggle for years with undiagnosed ADHD, leading to deep feelings of inadequacy. They may wonder why everyday tasks feel so overwhelming, when other people seem to manage them so easily.
 
Diagnosed later in life
Women who weren’t diagnosed with ADHD as children are typically 36 to 38 years old when they learn they have the disorder, according to Dr. Patricia Quinn, director of the National Center for Girls and Women with ADHD. Before that time, women are likely to be diagnosed with a mood disorder or anxiety, Quinn says.  Though these two conditions often coexist with ADHD, these diagnoses don’t get to the root of the issue, Quinn explains.
 
Diagnosed less frequently than men
A 2017 report issued by the National Institutes of Health stated that males are three times as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD as females. Linda Roggli, an ADHD coach who specializes in women’s issues, says that it wasn’t until the mid-1990s that women and girls began to be diagnosed with ADHD at all. This was due in large part to the groundbreaking book by therapist Sari Solden, Women with ADHD.
 
Girls and women tend to have the inattentive presentation of ADHD, according to Solden. This is one of the reasons that their symptoms often go under the radar. Women can also have a hyperactive presentation, but it may look different than it does in men. For instance, they may “hyper talk” or have trouble relaxing.
 
Inattentive girls and women often lose things, make careless mistakes, and get distracted easily, according to Roggli, host of the ADHD Women’s Palooza, a yearly online conference. They also may avoid tasks that take a lot of mental energy and focus, be disorganized, lose track of time, have trouble following through, and easily get overwhelmed and anxious, Roggli said.
 
Traditional Role Expectations
No matter how wonderful our partners are, there seem to be many unwritten expectations that fall to women. Day-to-day living is hard enough without thinking about major holidays such as Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, or Christmas. There are often expectations placed on women, such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, entertaining, baking, etc. You may feel “under the microscope” to perform, or to measure up to cultural standards or stereotypical expectations of women.
 
Perfectionism
The pressure that you feel may very well come from within. Procrastination is very connected to perfectionism. Having to do something perfectly makes it very difficult to start. We often feel so out of control that we become rigid in our thinking: all-or-nothing. Our popcorn thinking can get us into a great deal of trouble, because we get off on too many tangents, complicating the task at hand.

We, like the general ADHD population, have a hard time selecting. Planning a menu can be difficult when there are so many choices. Creating a 45-minute presentation can be a challenge, because how can you narrow down and choose the most relevant information?
 
Hormonal Fluctuations
There is an important connection between hormones and ADHD that affect girls and women. We know that hormone levels fluctuate monthly as well as over a woman’s life. As a general principal, when estrogen in low, ADHD symptoms are worse. This can look like a young adult, right before her period, a woman after giving birth, or a woman in peri menopause or menopause. Low estrogen leads to a decrease in serotonin and dopamine levels in the brain, causing symptoms such as moodiness, irritability, fatigue and memory lapses. ADHD meds at their normal dose don’t seem to work as well. There are providers who work with women to increase their dose of ADHD meds in order to accommodate shifts in estrogen. This can be very important for women post menopause when there is a natural cognitive decline.   
 
While estrogen may enhance the effectiveness of ADHD medications, it may not be the case for girls in puberty where there is also an increase in the hormone progesterone. Patricia Quinn, M.D, asserts that women with ADHD experience premenstrual syndrome (PMS) more acutely than women who don’t have the condition. In addition, treating ADHD can improve the symptoms of PMS as well. Learn more in an article by Laura Flynn McCarthy, “Women, Hormones, and ADHD.”
 
What Can Help:

• Get a Physical: ADHD is considered a “rule-out” diagnosis. Getting a physical is recommended to rule out other medical conditions that can mimic the traits of ADHD, such as impaired thyroid function, for example.

• Check your hormone levels: The better your estrogen levels are, the more ADHD symptoms are controlled and the more effective your ADHD medication will be.
• Get the diagnosis: If you even suspect that you have ADHD, get an official diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist. Check out local providers from either CHADD or ADDA.
• Consider Medication: Though medication may not be for everyone, when it works it is a beautiful thing. About 80 percent of people with ADHD respond well to stimulant medication. Women in childbearing years my benefit from increasing ADHD meds prior to their monthly cycle, when estrogen tends to drop. This can also support menopausal women who experience a decline in estrogen. 
• Drop Perfectionism: Procrastination is often linked to perfectionism, which tends to freeze us up. What does a “good enough” job look like in any arena of life? If a task is “not perfect” and we tweak it too long, it may never actually get done.
• Simplify: One way to simplify is to ask the question, “what is today’s priority?”  Priorities are like the bumpers used in bowling for children. Bumpers allow the ball to stay centered and to actually hit the pins. Priorities support you in prioritizing: keeping some things in and keeping other things out.
• Delegate: The problem with delegating is that you have to be organized in order to do so! Looking ahead and having a plan is a prerequisite to asking for help.  Many of us believe that we “should” be able to do this or that.
• Eliminate: We all have the same number of hours per day and are not often realistic as to what we can accomplish. Where can you streamline any process? It might look like eating out or picking up take-out food to eliminate hours of cooking and clean-up.
• Under promise and over deliver: Many women are afraid to say ‘no.’ My coach would say to me: “If you say ‘no’ to this, what are you saying ‘yes’ to?” For example, if I say ‘no’ to a last-minute request, then I am saying ‘yes’ to sticking to my plan for the day.
• Subtract before you add: If you choose to add an activity or task to your schedule, then what thing will you take away?
• Put yourself in the equation: Many women resist the idea of putting themselves first, but how about at least considering yourself in any situation? You are no more or less important than any one else. If you pay attention to what you need in any area of life, then others will benefit as a result. Not paying attention to what we need often results in anger, resentment, and frustration.
• Restore: What brings energy back to you? It might look like putting your feet up for a few minutes each day or doing a mindless activity that gives your brain a rest.
• Know your strengths and use them: Do something that you are good at, as often as you can! As we manage challenges, it is equally important to use our strengths.
• Get support: Where do you want to go, or what do you need? Who can help? If certain areas of life were so easy, we would have conquered them a long time ago.

 
Sign-up you or your loved-one for a complimentary coaching session today!
 

Have you always struggled to be on time, manage piles, or finish projects? Do certain tasks take you a long time, while you fly through others?  Have comments from teachers or family members made you suspect that you or your child may have ADHD?

If so, what’s stopping you from finding out? Are you afraid of what an ADHD diagnosis might mean for you and your family? If so, let me offer a word of encouragement. Hope and healing start with an accurate diagnosis.
Why? It lets you know what you’re dealing with. You can’t find support or treatment for something if you don’t know what it is.

The impact of an ADHD diagnosis reminds me of a Johnny Nash song, “I Can See Clearly Now.” The opening line says: “I can see clearly now; the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way…” 

Initial Relief
​
For some, it is a relief to hear that there is a reason you have struggled to wake up every morning and do simple daily tasks, like laundry or meals. What you have struggled with has a name.

Stages of Grief

After the initial relief comes the impact of the diagnosis, especially if you have been diagnosed as an adult. First of all, you may start to look at the name of the disorder: Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. You might have already struggled in life and feel lacking, now you see the word “deficit” in your diagnosis. You think back over your life and wish that you had known sooner. How might life have been different? You mourn what could have been. Therapist Sari Solden, in her excellent book, Journeys Through Adulthood, likens coming to grips with the diagnosis with going through the stages of grief. As described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the Grief Cycle includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

You may be shocked by others’ reaction to your diagnosis. I clearly remember the reaction of relatives who said, “Oh, not you; you’re so smart!” There is a great lack of understanding regarding ADHD, even though it is one of the most researched areas in mental health.

Seeking Support

You may realize that you need support, but where do you start? You have the challenges that go along with the disorder, and now you have to figure out the roadmap to getting help. You may have read a lot of books, but how can you apply the information to your daily life in a way that makes a difference?

Moving Forward

There can be freedom through the diagnosis as you discover what has gotten in the way of success all of these years. There is hope! You can drop the need to be perfect as you get a sense of control over your life. In the words of Maya Angelou, “You can forgive yourself for what you didn’t know before you learned it.”

Educating yourself about ADHD is powerful as you learn what it is and what it is not. Discovering where your ADHD shows up on a daily basis—and the tools to manage it—is empowering. In my experience, when you learn to advocate for yourself with ADHD, you strengthen your voice in other areas of life as well. What has been an area of weakness or challenge can become a strength. Your quality of life improves and you start to see yourself differently.  With the right support, people with ADHD can be among the most successful. April showers can bring May flowers!

Get some hands-on support today!

Ever wish there were a leprechaun who could sprinkle fairy dust over your brain to help you get started? People who have ADHD often lament their lack of motivation. But if we waited for motivation to begin a task, we might be waiting a very long time.

What if I were to tell you that motivation, though helpful, isn’t a prerequisite for starting or executing a task? Or that getting things done isn’t based on luck? By understanding how your emotions affect motivation, you can stop wishing for a leprechaun and start creating your own luck.

Not by Will Alone

Truthfully, people with ADHD do struggle with low motivation for ordinary tasks while we can focus like nobody we know in an area of strength or interest. This is often bewildering to those around us who wonder why we can engage so easily in one area, while completely dropping the ball in another.

According to research, ADHD is not a lack of willpower, even though it might look that way. ADHD and executive skills expert Thomas Brown, Ph.D., attributes this to two areas of brain function, the unconscious emotions that impact motivation as well as working memory that allows us to prioritize tasks. He talks about this in “The Mystery of Motivation”. 

Both positive and negative emotions influence areas of executive functioning, such as getting started, sustaining attention, shifting focus, organizing, and prioritizing. In addition, people with ADHD tend to have less of the neurotransmitter dopamine that travels between neurons or brain cells. Dopamine is called the “feel-good” chemical or the chemical of motivation. When dopamine is low, it too impairs executive skill areas. This explains why we have so much trouble getting started. But it’s not impossible. Researchers have found a number of ways to sidestep the obstacles in our brains, so we can start reaching our goals.
 
What Helps?

Try using one or more of these tactics, which take advantage of how your brain is wired. They can help you sidestep the issues caused by ADHD and get you on track to achieving your goals.

• Just do it. The best way to create motivation is to start, says ADHD coach Marla Cummins. She recommends a warm-up routine, or a “this is what I do before I … routine.” Get into action with easy tasks that include movement.
• Touch the task. Make physical contact with the thing that is daunting before you actually plan to do it. It might look like laying out a paper you need to fill out where you can see it. This helps to combat anxiety around the task and the “out of sight, out of mind” mentality.
• Take one bite. “Take a bite out of the task” the day before. That way, when the time for the task comes you only have to do it, as opposed to also having to figure out what you need, going out to buy it, etc. The task plus the preliminary steps at the same time can be overwhelming. When we are overwhelmed, we tend to throw in the towel and do nothing.
• Schedule it. Assign a time to the task, write it down, and know exactly what you will do in that timeframe. Writing down the task impacts memory.
• Rehearse it. Mentally rehearse or review your task before you actually do it. If you are running errands, for example, picture yourself moving through the day.
• Plan it. Create a plan and stick to it. Ask yourself: “What is today’s priority?” This acts as a filter. You don’t have to do every task that comes to mind; only the one that you committed to. This relieves a lot of pressure! A plan is a container that holds some things in and keeps other things out.
• Get unstuck. When you find yourself stuck, the first question is, “what is getting in the way?” See if you can identify barriers. The second important question is, “who can help?”
• Try magic words. Consider three powerful words that can solve almost any problem: simplify, delegate, and eliminate.
• Say something nice. Change how you speak about the task at hand. Psychotherapist and author of the book, Survival Tips for Women with ADHD, Teresa Matlen says to replace the phrase, “Do it because you have to” with “Do it because you can.”
• Map it. Break down your task with “mind mapping.” Mind mapping is a simple, visual tool that helps with initiating, planning, prioritizing, estimating time, sequencing, and pacing.
• Put hard things first. Do the most challenging task at your best time of day.
• Flip the switch. Remember to take your medication before any difficult task. Everything works better when your brain is online.
• Create a deadline. Having a goal will help in getting over the finish line.
• Use a timer. It helps to give tasks a beginning and an end.
• Sprint. Break the task down into small increments so you can tackle it in short bursts.
• Make it fun. Create a task-friendly environment. It might mean listening to music that is energizing, sitting on an exercise ball, or going to a coffee shop to get the job done. Interest equals focus!
• Sidestep perfectionism. A job that is adequate and completed beats a perfect one that was never started or finished. 
• Reward your efforts. Plan a reward when you are done!

With Awareness Comes Choice
​
Areas of challenge can become areas of strength. With each step forward comes a sense of confidence and a sense of control. You, too, can experience success with ADHD. 

On this St. Patrick’s Day, you don’t have to rely on luck (or motivation), in fact you can create your own. With a plan, you too can reach your pot of gold…and that’s no blarney!

For support in achieving your goals, consider scheduling a free consultation!

The film “Indivisible” shares the struggle of Army chaplain Darren Turner and his wife upon Darren’s return from a 15-month tour of duty in Afghanistan. It explores the psychological impact of war on soldiers and their families. The true story looks at the mental, physical, and spiritual stressors Darren and his wife experience, not realizing that they are living with untreated PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Once the chaplain and his wife find the help they need, they’re able to move forward in their lives and support others who are struggling in the same way.

Chronic stress takes a toll
Untreated ADHD can have a similar effect on people. In my work with ADHD, I have clearly seen the impact ADHD can have on close relationships. Living for years with chronic stress takes its toll on both the person suffering and his or her significant other.

If you are the person with ADHD, you might feel criticized, misunderstood, or unduly controlled by your spouse. You may even feel like a failure. If you are the partner without ADHD, you might feel lonely, unappreciated, and tired of bearing the load on your own. At times, you may feel enormously frustrated.

There is a tendency to blame ADHD for all of the problems in a relationship, marriage consultant Melissa Orlov writes in her book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage. In reality, she says, both partners play a role. Orlov goes on to say that couples need not try harder, but to “try differently.”1

The symptoms of ADHD that can cause relationship problems trouble paying attention, forgetfulness, poor organizational skills, impulsivity, and emotional outbursts. Three areas that can make a difference are studying up on ADHD, acknowledging the impact of your behavior on your partner, and separating partners from their symptoms or behaviors.2

​Where can you begin?

• Get a diagnosis. If you suspect that you may have ADHD, step forward to get a clinical diagnosis. As the saying goes, “it is what it is.” Confirming your suspicions allows you to start exploring what you can do about them.
• Consider medication. The right medication can go a long way in managing the symptoms of ADHD.
• Examine where your ADHD shows up. Then, discover strategies to manage your struggles. Having ADHD is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. If you—the person with ADHD—don’t understand it, how will your partner?
• Learn about ADHD. This helps both you and your partner see you as being separate from the traits and symptoms of ADHD. A person has ADHD; he or she is not ADHD.
• Connect to the ADHD community. You can explore online options or visit a local support group. Step out of isolation and into community. You will see that you are not alone.

There is hope
Naming ADHD lessens its power over our lives. You can’t fight an enemy that you cannot see. Treat that unseen “guest” in your house. Above all else, stay connected to those you love. Remain undivided!
For support in understanding and managing your ADHD, contact me today for your free consultation.


​Sources
1. Low, Keath. “ADHD and Its Effect in Marriage: Interview with Melissa Orlov.” Verywellmind.com, March 19, 2018, https://www.verywellmind.com/adhd-and-its-effect-in-marriage-20380. Accessed February 14, 2019.
2. Smith, Melinda. “Adult ADHD and Relationships.” HealthGuide.org, January 2019,  https://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/adult-adhd-attention-deficit-disorder-and-relationships.htm. Accessed February 14, 2019.