It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! Wait! Don’t let the ADHD Grinch steal your Holiday Cheer!
Ever feel stuck trying to start a task? The holiday season can amplify this struggle, with endless to-do lists leading to overwhelm. We procrastinate, chase distractions or even get frustrated and angry. Brendan Mahan, an internationally recognized ADHD and executive function expert, calls this emotional resistance the Wall of Awful.
What Is the Wall of Awful?
The Wall of Awful is the emotional barrier between us and the tasks we need to complete. While this wall isn’t physical, it’s just as effective at stopping us from taking action! This emotional barrier is built over time, brick by brick, with negative emotions like repeated failures, perceived failures, disappointment, worry, shame or rejection.
For individuals with ADHD, this wall can feel towering, making even simple tasks—like returning a phone call or completing paperwork—seem insurmountable. You might find yourself asking, Why is it so hard for me to start, while my neurotypical friends seem to breeze through their tasks?
According to Mahan, there are five common ways we respond to the Wall of Awful. However, only the last two are truly helpful:
Staring at the wall keeps us stuck.
Going around the wall makes us avoid tasks entirely.
Smashing through the wall with anger can damage both ourselves and others.
Climbing the wall acknowledges the emotional difficulty and takes deliberate effort.
Putting a door in the wall involves changing our mindset and using ADHD-friendly strategies to move forward.
Climbing the Wall of Awful
Sometimes, we stare at the wall, trying to summon the mental energy to act. This might look like laying out your bills the night before to prepare for paying them in the morning. Mahan describes this as needing a “longer runway” to get into action.
For instance, doing something physical—like emptying the dishwasher—before tackling a mentally demanding task, such as completing an expense report, can help. However, it’s essential to keep your focus and avoid distractions. For example, opening your laptop to work and instead scrolling through Amazon defeats the purpose of the runway!
Put a Door in the Wall: Change Your Emotional State
The easiest way to climb the Wall of Awful is to put a door in it. This involves changing your emotional state by adding dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical. In the ADHD world, a common mantra is: “Interest equals focus.”
Here are some strategies to make tasks feel more interesting and achievable:
Work in a coffee shop for a change of scenery.
Listen to music that energizes you.
Set time limits to make tasks feel temporary.
Verbally process the task with a supportive friend.
These small adjustments can jump-start your motivation and help you take the first step.
Add Handholds: Use ADHD-Friendly Strategies
ADHD-friendly strategies can create lasting change, giving you tools to climb the Wall of Awful repeatedly. Here’s how you can build “handholds” to make tasks easier:
1. Reflect on Past Successes
Think about a time when you successfully completed a similar task. What helped? For example, did you feel energized after socializing and then dive into wrapping gifts or decorating? If so, you’ve discovered a repeatable formula: pair tasks with dopamine-boosting activities like socializing.
2. Plan Ahead
Decide what task you want to tackle ahead of time. This gives you time to gather supplies or recruit help, making task initiation easier.
3. Set Time Limits
Use a timer to give tasks a clear beginning and end. Knowing a task won’t last forever can make it less intimidating.
4. Break It Down
Avoid the ADHD “all-or-nothing” trap. Break complex tasks into smaller, manageable steps. For example:
Instead of saying, “I’ll decorate the entire house,” start with, “I’ll bring the decoration boxes down from the attic.”
Instead of tackling all your emails, focus on answering just five.
Narrowing your focus helps reduce overwhelm and ensures success.
5. Skip the Judgment
Judging yourself for struggling only adds more bricks to the wall. Instead, offer yourself grace, empathy, and forgiveness.
6. Reward Yourself
Celebrate each step you take, no matter how small. Attaching a positive reward to a challenging task generates dopamine, giving you the energy to keep going.
7. Acknowledge Your Success
Reflect on what allowed you to complete the task. What made a difference? Recognizing these factors builds confidence and empowers you to repeat your success in the future.
Don’t Let the ADHD Grinch Steal Your Cheer!
This holiday season, don’t let the Wall of Awful block your joy. By recognizing emotional barriers and using ADHD-friendly strategies like putting doors and handholds in the wall, you can navigate tasks and enjoy “the most wonderful time of the year!”
For personalized support and strategies that work for you, click here to schedule a session. Together, we’ll find solutions that help you climb the wall with confidence!