ADHD Masking: The Hidden Cost of Hiding Your Symptoms (and How to Stop)

Written By Cheryl Gigler
Hands pressing a colorful rainbow beach ball beneath the surface of a swimming pool, with water splashing and rippling around it — a metaphor for the invisible effort of ADHD masking.

Do you try to blend in with those who don't have ADHD, the neurotypicals? Do you work hard to compensate for the challenges of ADHD? Do you worry that you are too much or too little and wonder how you come across? If they only knew how hard you try!

A man in a gray hoodie sits at a table looking distressed at a phone displaying a missed call notification — representing the social withdrawal and avoidance that can accompany ADHD masking.

Is This You?

  • Your knee is bouncing up and down in a meeting and you're trying hard not to fidget. You have an arsenal of colored pens and are doodling in the margin of notes to keep your hands busy, so as not to be distracting.

  • A co-worker pins you down in the hallway, going on and on about something that you have absolutely no interest in. You work hard to school your face, and your brain feels ready to explode.

  • You have to return a phone call that gives you angst. You've put it off long enough and actually write a script and bullet notes, so you don't forget what you want to say or get off track.

  • You are taking a test. The room is warm. The overhead fluorescent light casts a glare and is making that annoying humming sound. You hear other people's pencils scratching on paper, the clock is ticking loudly, and outside in the hallway people are talking. Your discomfort level is climbing, making it almost impossible to sit still and concentrate.

  • You are asked to do something and feel that you can't say no, after all, other parents have volunteered. You are already behind and fear dropping the ball.

  • You want to have company over but worry that the house is just too messy. You don't want anyone to know about the piles covering every available surface.

  • You know that you have a lot to offer, but think twice about speaking up. You may say too much, or blank out. What would others think?

  • You go into the office over the weekend because you have to catch up on paperwork. You just can't seem to knock it out the way your co-workers do. Monday morning, you hear others talking about the fun things they did over the weekend. You can't help but feel that life is passing you by.

  • You think that you have more time than you actually do and are frequently running late. What excuse will you give them THIS time?


"How hard would it be to swim gracefully while holding a beach ball under the water?"

— ADDA

Minimalist illustration of a faceless woman with long dark hair holding a decorative masquerade mask on a stick beside her face, symbolizing the persona people with ADHD present to the world.

What Is Masking?

Masking is what we do to hide our ADHD symptoms to avoid stigma or the fear of being judged. And truthfully, many people with ADHD have been. Masking is a way to protect ourselves. We often wonder what "normal" people do and try to copy their behaviors. We do our best to avoid the ever-present stigma out there regarding ADHD and mental health in general.

We might work 10 times harder than others to complete certain tasks and don't want others to see us struggle or think we're not up to the task.

Someone said to me recently, "You're so organized." I thought to myself, 'If they only knew.' Am I organized? Yes, organized enough. So if I am organized and it is difficult, why don't I get more credit?

The Cost of Masking

It compromises your mental health: Masking is related to "ADHD burnout," anxiety, and depression. Exhaustion and overwhelm leave little room for the enjoyment of life.

It delays a diagnosis, treatment, and management: Masking is a way of coping and might feel easier in the moment, but it prevents you from getting the help you need.

It impacts self-esteem: You are not defined by the challenges of ADHD or objectified by it. You are a person with unique strengths and abilities who happens to have ADHD. Masking hides your authentic self.



"ADHD masking replaces outward stress with inward stress."

— Arlene Cuncic, MA



Cartoon illustration of a teal character peering through a magnifying glass at a badge that reads 'ADHD Diagnosis,' representing the search for answers that often follows years of masking symptoms.

What Can We Do?

Step forward to get the diagnosis. It all starts there. You can't get help for something when you don't know what it is.

Learn about ADHD. Understand exactly where your ADHD shows up and what to do about it. An ADHD coach can help by offering brain-friendly strategies that work for you.

Understand where you have compensated by masking. Who can offer help?

Discover your unique strengths and leverage them against the challenges of ADHD. A free online survey to help tap into your strengths is www.viacharacter.org (VIA Character Survey).

Surround yourself with supportive people who see the real you.

Consider therapy: Both CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) can help process the shame behind masking.

Accept yourself, ADHD traits and all, rather than hiding them. If a person doesn't accept your ADHD, they don't accept you.

Set boundaries and learn to say no to prevent masking.

Unmasking reduces the emotional and mental weight you carry. With good treatment, you no longer have to hide. As the saying goes, "Be yourself, everyone else is taken."

Imagine this! Who would you be minus the challenges of ADHD? You have residual energy to pursue other things in life because you have more time and aren't so bogged down.

Now that you understand the role ADHD plays, it doesn't define you. You lead with your strengths and get help for the rest. You've embraced the diagnosis and have a good life.

ADHD is smaller and your life bigger. You no longer need to mask!

Schedule a FREE consultation to get customized support and experience success with ADHD!


"Your masks have protected you in the past, but now you can release them with love."


— Linda Roggli, PCC

Resources

Cheryl Gigler
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