To Tell or Not to Tell - Disclosing the ADHD Diagnosis

Some years back, I was working in a church as a choir director. I knew that one of the staff members was rumored to have ADHD, and I would often hear bits of conversation about him being disorganized and late to meetings. Again.

I was relatively new to the diagnosis and hadn’t told many people that I had ADHD. Around that time, I was contacted by a journalist who was intrigued by an ADHD Skills Class I was leading for adults, based on an early research study: The Efficacy of ADHD Coaching for Adults with ADHD. Sure enough, the article was on the front page of the Living Section—with my face front and center! I couldn’t help but wonder who would see it, and what they would think.

The following Wednesday, when I arrived for choir practice, I couldn’t help but notice the entire article posted on a bulletin board. It was in a well-trafficked area, visible to everyone!

The choir members, many of whom were from an older generation, were wonderfully supportive. When they mentioned my having ADHD, they said, “Oh, you’re not like him!” (meaning the other staff person). “We think it’s wonderful that you are helping people!” Wow. Who knew?

In my case, my diagnosis was “out of the bag” quite naturally.

Proceed with Caution

Many adults with ADHD are rightly cautious in disclosing their diagnosis due to the stigma and misinformation that still persist. We’ve all heard the jokes about ADHD—which, when you live it, are not really funny. Stepping out to get the diagnosis is huge, and it can make you feel a bit vulnerable, especially if you are struggling.

What does it all mean?

Learn All You Can

It is important to research, pause and consider what you think regarding ADHD. You might be deciding to take medication or to start coaching. Feel secure in your treatment and management options before telling others who might not understand. Learn all you can to separate fact from fiction.

I remember telling extended family members about my diagnosis only because it came up when I was asked what I was doing for work. After I answered, they asked what got me interested in working with ADHD. Aside from being a teacher by background, I had received a mid-life diagnosis. When I mentioned that, I heard a gasp! Someone said, “You couldn’t have ADHD—you’re so smart!”

I went on to explain that ADHD is not an intelligence deficit!

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Disclosing ADHD in a school setting can be important in order to receive accommodations, especially when a student is not performing well academically. Some fear their child will be labeled; however, if a child is failing and getting into trouble, they are already being “labeled.”

In college, it is important to sign up with disability services, with proof of a diagnosis within three years. You will receive a letter to show professors that substantiates the accommodations you might need. Signing up for disability services also entitles you to free services such as tutoring, should the need arise. The time to disclose is not halfway through the semester when you are failing!

Disclosing on the job can be a far different matter. I have worked with clients whose companies paid for coaching sessions and offered a job coach. Other clients have experienced discrimination after disclosing. The Job Accommodation Network is an excellent resource for equity in the workplace. It offers various types of accommodations listed by disability area, as well as form letters to streamline the process.

It’s Up to You!

Disclosing your diagnosis—or not—is completely up to you! Each situation is unique. We all want to feel safe, supported, and validated. Most of all, take steps to identify where your ADHD gets in the way, and learn what to do about it. If you know what you need, you can ask for it—without ever mentioning that you have ADHD. Be your own advocate.

For support in finding school or workplace accommodations that make a difference, click here.

Resources

• Who Do You Tell About Your ADHD? — ADDitude Magazine

• ADHD at Work — Adults with ADHD Organization, add.org

• Decision-Making Flowchart on Disclosing Your ADHD Diagnosis — Neurodiversity Media (LinkedIn)

• Guide to Navigating ADHD in the Workplace: When and How to Disclose — ADD Resource Center

• Should You Disclose Your ADHD to an Employer? — Russell Barkley, YouTube

• The Job Accommodation Network — askjan.org